June 2012
46 posts
Anonymous asked: shit dude your gf's so hot....ur a lucky dude
May 2012
51 posts
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shaving23spiders:
His palms are sweaty, knees weak arms spaghetti there’s vomit on spaghetti already mom’s spaghetti He’s nervous, but on the surface he looks calm spaghetti to drop bombs but he keeps on spaghetti
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Watchshavingryansprivates:
the best 52 seconds in film history
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groovychainsaws:
inspiredbreathing:
groovychainsaws:
corncobs:
groovychainsaws:
“So Tenzin, would you say that you and Chief Bei-Fong had a…
ROCKY RELATIONSHIP?”
“Well it definitely wasn’t a….
BREEZE”
“Y’know, I’m surprised Tenzin couldn’t handle me. They say I’ve got…
NERVES OF STEEL.”
“Well, I’d say you two have practically hit..
ROCK BOTTOM.”
“My daughter...
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The following quotations are taken from official...
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."
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Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
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Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
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Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."
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Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
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Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
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Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
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Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."
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Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
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Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
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Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Witness: "No."
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Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
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Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
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Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
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Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
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Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
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Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
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Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
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Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
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Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
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Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
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Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
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Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Witness: "Borofkin."
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
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Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness: "No."
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Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
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Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
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Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
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Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
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Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
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Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."
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Reblog if you've seen a girl with hair like this
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Me: I was wondering what that soccer ball is doing in our yard...
My sister: Probably our neighbors'. They play soccer a lot; they're Mexican.
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snowpetrel:
i was babysitting a little boy and girl once and the boy asked me if i had a boyfriend and i said “no!! but i have a girlfriend!” and he said “like a friend thats a girl?” and i said “no like a boyfriend but they’re a girl instead of a boy! we still do couple things but we’re just both girls” and he said, without missing a beat, “oh ok! are you gonna marry her?”
like it’s literally...
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pastichee:
live everyday like you’re gonna steal the declaration of independence.
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fireisfuckingcatching:
can I just get this out of my system ok good
Read More
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mumfordandsluts asked: "Probably 'cause he's just so damn sexy." FULL OF OURSELVES ARE WE HM
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mumfordandsluts asked: WHY DO YOU LIKE ME OMG
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mumfordandsluts asked: OMG WAIT I MEANT TO SAY ON THE RIGHT OMG I HATE MYSELF THAT WOULD HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN FUNNY IF I DIDN'T FUCK IT UP OKAY KILLING MYSELF BYE SEE YOU TOMORROW
mumfordandsluts asked: IMPLYING THERE'S A DUDE ON THE LEFT YOU ASSHOLE just kidding omg I consumed so much sugar today I'm so hyper kill me
Anonymous asked: what do u look like??
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Neil Gaiman: For all the people who ask me for... →
neil-gaiman:
Neil Gaiman
1 Write.
2 Put one word after another. Find the right word, put it down.
3 Finish what you’re writing. Whatever you have to do to finish it, finish it.
4 Put it aside. Read it pretending you’ve never read it before. Show it to friends whose opinion you respect and who like…
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theslowestdrawfag:
drift-into-space:
how is he drinking if he has his mask on
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“Before the words “namby-pamby”, “weenie”, or “not the way they did things in my...”
– http://acestoohigh.com/2012/04/23/lincoln-high-school-in-walla-walla-wa-tries-new-approach-to-school-discipline-expulsions-drop-85/
I WISH EVERY TEACHER IN THE WORLD WOULD READ THIS ARTICLE. AND PARENTS, TOO. AND YOU.
(via neil-gaiman)
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“It happens when a father realizes he doesn’t just love his daughter, but also...”
– President Obama (via barackobama) 